When you were growing up, was living together in your family always easy? If things always went smoothly in your home, then your teenage years were certainly different than mine. What about as an adult? Perhaps you’ve had a family of your own, or a partner, or even a roommate. Have things always gone well?

The definition of ‘family’ can be broadened, of course, to include our church family, for instance. As people of faith, do you suppose we have it easier when it comes to living together in community?

I once witnessed a slight flare-up in a community of faith where I had not particularly expected to find such problems. Not far from the Ghost Ranch Presbyterian Conference Center in northern New Mexico lies the small Benedictine Monastery of Christ in the Desert. It’s nestled among magnificent cliffs in the isolated Chama River valley.

Three years ago I visited the Monastery for a 5-day personal retreat. Lunchtime is the one meal each day when all the monks and guests eat together – for a total of about 32 of us. As a blessing before the meal everyone stands and faces an icon of John the Baptist, their patron saint, and we all join in a short song. As part of the ritual, one of the monks moves from his seat to stand beside the icon.

On the second day I was there, the monk who was supposed to move to the icon didn’t. So the one standing next to him poked him in the back and whispered what sounded like gruff words in his ear. I happened to be standing only a couple of feet from where this was going on. Very few others noticed.

The monk who was supposed to move seemed to dig in his heels. He whispered what sounded like rather unflattering words back to the other monk. So we all just sang the blessing anyway and took our seats. As is their custom, several different monks served the meal. While this was going on the two monks exchanged some more words, this time a bit louder. One even roughly grabbed a water pitcher out of the hand of the other.

This seemed particularly problematic, you see, because meals are supposed to be eaten in complete silence – especially by the monks. I glanced about to see if any of the other monks were noticing. A few who were nearby did, and they were looking quite concerned. As it turned out, the one who did the initial poking in the back just sat there the rest of the meal and didn’t eat the food on his plate in front of him. I’m not sure if he did this out of protest or out of self-disciplinary action.

Interestingly, during the rest of my stay at the monastery, this monk, at the many prayer services in their beautiful chapel, sat not with the other monks, but behind them. Perhaps he had been reprimanded and given a ‘time-out.’

Well, later that day while I was in the monastery gift shop another monk came in, and since he was talking with the person tending the shop, I asked him about the lunchtime altercation. He said he wasn’t aware of what had gone on, but added that he wasn’t surprised because in their community, “that kind of stuff happens all the time.”

Well, I have to admit that I felt a little guilty for being somewhat glad to here that. For if living together in community isn’t easy even for a group of Benedictine monks, no wonder it can be hard for the rest of us.

And when you look closely at the Apostle Paul’s letters to the various church he founded, then we can see that it wasn’t easy for them either. That’s where today’s Epistle Lesson comes in, for it has much to say about living in community.

Paul lays out a long list of guidelines for ordinary, everyday life – a ‘to do’ list of helpful rules for living together lovingly and peaceably in community. While these exhortations can be applied to any family or community, Paul has written them expressly for life together as a community of faith – the church. I find this list extremely helpful in guiding any congregation in right ways of living in community. I have even included this passage as a bulletin insert, which you may wish to take home and put on your refrigerator, as I have already done on our church refrigerator.

I encourage you to refer to it often, especially during times of difficulty. For just like in biblical times, or at that monastery, it’s not so much a matter of if communities of faith will have occasional altercations, but rather what to do when situations flare up. Paying attention to, and intentionally implementing, these exhortations may, in fact, minimize much contentiousness in the first place.

As we look at this list, two major themes emerge: first, the ways that Christians are to manifest genuine love (vv. 10-13), and second, the obligations that one has towards strangers and one’s enemies (vv. 14-20). This list, by the way, flows from Paul’s earlier statement in Chapter 12 that we should not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of our minds, so that we may discern what is the will of God – what is good and acceptable and perfect (v. 2).

I want to look first at the final verse from today’s Epistle Lesson, because it’s kind of a touchy subject, and I didn’t want to end the sermon on this note. Christians are not to give in to the ways of evil, but are to deal with evil according to the ways of goodness. When Paul commands in Romans 12:21: “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good,” he is offering a reversal of the ancient mentality that demanded “an eye for and eye and a tooth for a tooth”. This mentality, unfortunately, is still very much alive and well today. And notice that earlier in this passage Paul tells us to hate what is evil, not hate evil people. This is an important distinction that I think many miss.

We have been given a mind-numbing example just this week of what Paul is talking about. If I were going to preach an entire sermon on this particular event I would entitle it: “Who Would Jesus Assassinate?” Conservatives (politically and theologically) were just as appalled as progressive liberals when the Rev. Pat Robertson, the founder of the Christian Coalition, former Presidential candidate, and commentator on TV’s 700 Club, called for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez.

Many asked: What about ‘Thou shalt not commit murder’ doesn’t Robertson understand? If this isn’t a case of wanting to overcome evil with evil, then I don’t know what is. We, in this country and elsewhere, are slipping ever more dangerously into a mentality that dictates that any who oppose us, for whatever reason, should be eliminated or silenced, or at least dismissed. That, ultimately, however, is not what a democracy is all about, nor is it what the Gospels teach us.

So let’s jump back, now, to the beginning of the Paul’s ‘to do’ list for living in community and it’s opening phrase, “Let your love be genuine” (v. 9). This statement about love is central to the entire passage, for it provides the context for his other exhortations.

And one of the ways we love one another, Paul states, is with mutual affection – true and honest caring for the well-being of one another. He adds that we are to rejoice with others who are rejoicing, and weep with those who weep. Christian congregations are not to be merely a gathering of acquaintances or even friends; we are a family, the family of God. And with that comes responsibility toward one another. Therefore, we are told to outdo one another in showing honor. Too often people get their feelings hurt when they have been neglected or go un-thanked.

Next, Paul tells us: “Do not lag in zeal, be ardent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer” (vv. 11-12). There’s an entire sermon in each one of these.

And there are several other exhortations in this passage. But I want to focus on just one more in particular, because I think the well-being and even growth of any congregation depends on it. The second half of Romans 12:13 commands: “Extend hospitality to strangers.”

William Tyndale, who translated the New Testament into English back in 1525 (nearly 100 years before the King James Version), used a magnificent word with rich imagery. His translation of this simple verse states that the Christian should have a harborous disposition. What a protective and nurturing harbor does for a boat, we should do for strangers. Biblical commentator William Barclay adds, “A home can never be a happy home when it is a selfish home. Christianity is the religion of the open hand, the open heart, and the open door.”

Sounds like the very definition of a ‘welcoming’ congregation doesn’t it?! Even in our day and time when we are often rightly fearful or suspicious of people we do not know, we must discover forms of hospitality that help people feel welcome.

Let me ask you, if you were to rate the hospitality of this congregation on a scale of 1-10 what rating would you give it? Have you ever thought about how your hospitality affects your evangelism efforts?

Hospitality is a reaching out beyond ourselves, even our comfort zone. It’s a way of saying, “Everyone counts!” By its very nature, being hospitable emphasizes community life and tends towards being inclusive. It focuses our attention on others, not merely on ourselves and our own needs, as important as they may be.

Renowned author on Christian spirituality, Henri Nouwen, has the best explanation of hospitality that I have ever found. He says that it involves so much more than simple words of welcome, or even acts of kindness. Biblical hospitality, he concludes, means opening up a space within ourselves (and our congregations) to receive others. In his 1975 book, Reaching Out: The Three Movements of the Spiritual Life, Nouwen writes:

Henri Nouwen challenges us, as does the Apostle Paul, to recognize and face our own fear, prejudice, and even hostility toward people who are unfamiliar or different. This, in itself, is the beginning to the opening up of our hearts and minds and hands and doors to receive others. Hospitality, then, along with genuine love and overcoming evil with good, are among the most crucial items on any congregation’s ‘to do’ list in order to live in harmony and peace. So, may God bless all our efforts as we seek diligently to live in community.